“Through the Years”

 

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(This special message was given on Valentine’s Sunday, February 14, 2010, as many couples renewed their wedding vows)

Genesis 2:18-24 “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib, which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

Matt. 19:4-6 “And He (Jesus) answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

-Is marriage a man-made institution or law devised by a government or a religion?

-Is marriage a relationship that can be entered into, or broken at will or the whim of partner or both?

-Is marriage a license to have sexual relations without respect for the soul and spirit of both man and woman?

-Is marriage open to all kinds of relationships, regardless of gender or species, opening the door to same-sex marriage, polygamy, or bestiality?

These are the questions we are facing as Valentine’s Day comes upon us this year.  The biblical answer to all these questions is “NO.” In the Bible we have the precise guidelines to the institution of marriage ordained by God Himself, in the first Book of the OT and the first Book of the NT.

-Genesis 1 & 2 makes is clear that “God said…”

-Matt. 19 makes it clear that “Jesus said…”

To me, the greatest offense by those seeking to change marriage from the union of a man and a woman is the audacity of shamefully changing what Creator God said is “good.”

“Through the years,” a lot has changed regarding marriages and perhaps in your marriage, but you are here today to reaffirm the basis of your vows to each other years ago.  Today, you will repeat those vows & reaffirm your commitment “till death parts you.”

First, think about what has happened “through the years” and look back in your own life and marriage:

1- Remember growing up thinking about marriage and watching other people who were married, often saying, “I want to have a marriage like that one,” or “If that’s what marriage is, I don’t want it.” Did you have good models to look at?

2- Remember the dating years, when you felt that you had met the person of your dreams, but it was infatuation, and you went on to other relationships…until…. finally….

3- Remember how you met the person of your dreams, how that special relationship started, and grew, and finally heard the big question, “Will you marry me?”

4-Remember the months (years) of planning for the big day? Don’t you wish you planned as much for what followed?

5- Remember your wedding day, the make-up, haircut, ceremony, reception, the honeymoon (still paying for it)

6- Remember those early years, (some of us want to forget) but you hung in there, with all the adjustments, changes, hopes, dreams, and nightmares?

7- Remember your first child? (I can) How about the challenges of parenting?

8- Remember your first grandchild? (I can) Wow!

9- Remember the struggles, scraps, sorrows, and the successes? Well, here you are today, to say “I DO” and “I WILL” again.

Look at our text, because it is the only text mentioned in three places in the Bible, Old Testiment History, and New Testiment teaching of Jesus, Epistles & teaching from Paul.  Let me give you a refresher before you say “YES” again.

Eph. 5:21-33 (MES) “Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.”

Wrapped up in these verses are the keys to happiness in marriage for those who are renewing their vows, and those who hope to marry someday in the future.  Young people, listen up, this is for you too.

1- LEAVING- “And this is why a man leaves father and mother.” The “leaving” is an important step in building a great marriage.  Some people never do.  Instead of making new memories, they hold on to the past ones.

I can use an illustration of  old time farmhouses.  Parents just added a room on the old house instead of the newlyweds moving to a new home. Some of you may have “added rooms.”  It’s time to move!

2- CLEAVING – “a man leaves father and mother……. and cherishes his wife; cleaves to; is joined to his wife (wife to her husband).  This is when the soul of marriage kicks in, and a deep emotional & spiritual bonding takes place.  Singles don’t bond to someone who you are not going to marry, or you will leave fragments of your soul on the path of broken dreams

You, who are reaffirming your vows, make a determination to become “soul-mates” if you are not already!  “If you can be the best of lovers, and be the best of friends, the music never ends.”

In a recent study of what makes married women happy, it was found that the biggest predictor of women’s happiness is their husband’s emotional engagement. The extent to which he is affectionate, to which he is empathetic, to which he is basically tuned into his wife was the most important factor in her happiness. The study went on the say, “If the wife had to choose between having a husband who is taking half of the housework and having a husband who is really making a conscious, deliberate effort to focus emotionally on his wife, the emotional focus is much more likely to be a paramount concern.”

Get it guys?  However, the article went on to say to the wives, “Take him off the hook,” and realize that he will never be able to fulfill all those dreams & expectations.  Only Jesus can!  Yes, in marriage, two people have to work at it constantly!  Amen!

3-PHYSICALLY – “No longer two, they become “one flesh.”

When the emotional and the spiritual are in play, the physical takes on new dimensions. The Bible speaks of sex in marriage as “holy, and the marital bed undefiled.”

God intended your present spouse to be the one who fulfills your sexual needs.  He didn’t make a “Plan B” for marital fidelity. “Plan A” is for exclusive marital sex for a lifetime.

What has happened to many couples is, they begin sex in the bedroom not the living room. With all the great Christian material available today, no spouse should go wanting for a fulfilling and God honoring sex life in the bond of marriage.

Well, as you plan for the years ahead, try a proven formula for a successful and blessed marriage:

1- Be a giver, not a taker

2- Be a listener, not just a talker

3- Be a leader, not a follower

4- Be an initiator, not only a responder

5- Be a pray-er, not a worrier

6- Be a doer, not a just a hearer

7- Be a believer, not an unbeliever

I wish Vangie could say as the song, “Through the years you never let me down…” but that’s where God’s grace came in. And it is still what helps us face the highs and the lows of two people coming together in the second most wonderful and beautiful relationship God has ordained for mankind.

What’s the first?  Our relationship to Him, through the love of Christ in our lives as we make Him Lord and Savior personally and in our marriages. Only by knowing Christ personally through His work of salvation on the cross, can we enjoy the full blessing of marriage.

Paul put it this way in Ephesians 5:32 (MES) “This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.”

ARE YOU READY for another 5, 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years together?  You can either say, “Forgetaboutit” or “GO FOR IT!”